As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
