I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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