After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
There are leaves in my underwear?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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