One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
