Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
