Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
