i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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