After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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