i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize