what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize