I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
