"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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