i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
