benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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