I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
