Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize