everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
