Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
