I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
