he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
