I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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