I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
