So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
