just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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