I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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