just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
