You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
