mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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