i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
