he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
