when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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