Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
