Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
