chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize