I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
