I wish i was in the wii world.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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