He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize