i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
