Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
