"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
