That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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