So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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