just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
