The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
