why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
