Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
