who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
