This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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