I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
