Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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