these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
