i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Randomize