dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
