Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
