That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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