he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize