Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
