so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
