Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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