i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i black out too much to be "responsible"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
