Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
