I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
