as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
